i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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