i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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