So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it hurts more in the daytime
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
