When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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