i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
