just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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