Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
