one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
