he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
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I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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