so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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