community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
