Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
