I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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