Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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