I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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