Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
