we have officially lost it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hippo gnu deer
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
