You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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