White coat. Heels.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
