It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
