I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
