So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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