What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
