No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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