Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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