i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
