It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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