Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize