i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
