There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
