he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
