i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
