the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize