Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
