sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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