There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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