Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
