Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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