I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can you bring me the toilet please
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
