I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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