I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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