Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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