I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
