So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Randomize
