After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
