The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
