hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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