he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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