when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
