its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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