Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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