you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
