these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
