I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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