3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
