even my farts smell like vagina
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
