well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
