My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
