i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
