Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
