Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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