why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We left the knife in your bed.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
