You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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