Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
