you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
