If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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