She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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