we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
