i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
