She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
