This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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