I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
