Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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